It’s Only My Opinion For The Soap Week Ending March 14

CBS/ABC/JPI

From l.: BTG’s Ambyr Michelle (Eva, l.), GH’s Giovanni Mazza (Gio) and B&B’s Lisa Yamada (Luna).

Soap opera winks are fun, but they must be used sparingly to be effective.

B&B’s Forresters all had the same reaction after learning murderer Luna was Finn’s bio daughter.

Steffy: “We know where Luna is, in prison paying for her crimes. Can we get Luna out of our minds? She’s locked up in prison.”

Taylor: “I’d be more worried if Luna wasn’t in jail.”

Ridge: “The good news — we don’t have to worry about Luna. She’s behind bars.”

Taylor: “The only saving grace is that Luna’s behind bars.”

And on and on. It was clever in the beginning to have Steffy, Ridge, and Taylor mistakenly assume their newfound relative was incarcerated, but the repetition killed it.

Better was Steffy barreling into Bill’s house and going scorched earth on her sudden stepdaughter and the man who got her sprung.

Steffy: “How could you release this monster from prison? How? She killed two innocent men and pinned it on her mother. She left me in a cage to die!”

Bill: “I have Luna under control.”

Yes, that ankle monitor would surely have been enough to keep him and his houseguests from being murdered… Steffy threatened to put Luna back behind bars, but Bill reminded Steffy that Luna was her “husband’s daughter” and that would destroy any chance they have of building a relationship. Steffy would have none of that, listing Luna’s crimes over and over and roping her mom and dad into the turmoil. Luna is a cold-blooded killer who does not deserve forgiveness no matter how much Bill argues that suffering “significant trauma” in your childhood is a plausible defense for murder.

In walked Finn. Luna immediately cried out “Dad!” to the man who was her cousin 20 minutes ago. Manipulate much?

Finn: “You need to go back to prison.”

Never mind, she got pardoned. Sigh.

Winks abound on Beyond The Gates. There was Eva talking to Ted about her biological father when she knows Ted is her biological father.

Ted: “You’re an only child?”

Eva: “As far as I know. I never knew my bio dad.”

Ted: “Must be tough.”

Eva’s mother, Leslie, is BTG’s first card-carrying psycho and my jury’s out on that. She kept quiet about birthing Ted’s kid for 20 years and then launched a revenge plot so violent that she ran an innocent girl off the road so Eva could take her job and work closer to Ted? And no one’s on to Leslie and Eva’s scheme? There were Ted and Nicole taking Eva’s side over their own daughter when Kat (rightly) accused Eva of creeping in Nicole’s office.

Nicole: “I wish I could say Kat will stop making your life difficult but that’s not her way.”

Eva: “Any advice on how to deal with her?”

Nicole: “Don’t give her any oxygen. You know where to find us if the situation escalates.”

We raised a rotten kid is quite a take.

Nicole’s sister, Dani, is having trouble adjusting to her ex-husband Bill’s younger bride, Hayley. She calls her “Hayley Newly-Hamilton” and repeatedly scolds the homewrecker.

Dani: “The fairy tale never tells you how Prince Charming can become a real son of a bitch once that ring is on your finger.”

Indeed, Bill’s first move after their wedding was to try to get his new bride to quit her paralegal job (making her dependent on him), which is exactly how Bill helped end Dani’s modeling career 30 years ago.

Hayley (opening gift): “A credit card?”

Bill: “No limit. That’s real independence.”

Run, Hayley!

And run, Y&R, from that story of Phyllis and Sharon locked in a room by yet another unseen villain (who turned out to be Traci’s fiancé). There were no juicy flashbacks of those two enemies and no fun nods to their rich history. Just two great actresses trying to make sense of another absurd kidnapping tale — which has become the show’s go-to when they have no story for their A-listers. Just ask Nikki, Victor, Victoria, Mariah, Claire, Harrison, Jordan, Sharon (twice), and now Phyllis who have all been taken hostage…

Sharon: “Maybe you should move around.”

Phyllis: “Are you trying to make me vomit?”

Blech. The Summer/Kyle/Claire triangle is so much more interesting! All of a sudden, Summer cares that her ex-husband is dating her newfound cousin and it’s all kinds of messy — especially with Victor sticking his nose in.

Kyle: “I hope you’re being sincere that me being with Claire isn’t an issue for you.”

Summer: “I’m not wasting any time thinking about you and Claire, so put that out of your mind.”

Cue Summer interrupting their date to “discuss Harrison privately” so newbie Holden could buy Claire a drink at the bar while she waits. You know, the same Holden who shares a past with Audra who slept with Kyle… wink!

District Attorney Belle Black sleeping with kidnapping suspect EJ DiMera on DAYS when she’s supposed to be prosecuting him for locking Rafe in the basement flew under the radar until Rafe’s sister, Gabi, tattled to the mayor. That could still have a fun domino effect (since Gabi also had sex with EJ), but so far it looks like another amnesia tale. Letting baddies off the hook by undoing a story with a syringe is a gyp.

And help me understand why kidnapper (and attempted murderer) Rachel Blake is wandering free? Ava didn’t press charges against Old Rachel for locking her up in Aremid because Brady wanted to protect Young Rachel from being removed from his house by CPS. But what prevented Ava from calling the cops on Old Rachel after she broke into Ava’s house and slashed her with a knife?

Ava: “That crazy old lady tried to kill me!”

Brady: “If we turn Kristen’s mother in to the police I could lose my daughter forever.”

How? Young Rachel wasn’t even there. As the kids say, make it make sense.

Speaking of which, it doesn’t bother me that Brook Lynn and Dante went to camp together 21 years ago on GH when she got secretly pregnant with Gio. Josslyn was born in 2009 and she’s a secret agent!

This story is so fraught, there’s stealth dialogue all over the place.

Brook Lynn (to Lois): “Chase asked if I want to find my baby.”

Gio (entering): “Is this a bad time?”

Not at all! There’s serious rooting value in a kid who 1) never knew his dad, 2) lost his mom when he was young, and 3) has been introduced slowly to pique our interest. When Gio says Brook Lynn and her family feel closer to him than cousins and tells Dante he’s proud to carry his late father’s name, the words vibrate with story potential.

Lois (arguing to Gloria that they tell the truth): “Don’t Brook Lynn and Gio need each other?”

Cut to Brook Lynn joining Gio by the Q mausoleum and telling him her mom and grandma are asking her to accept something that is hard to deal with (i.e. to not search for the child she’s currently talking to).

Brook Lynn: “Sorry to be so cryptic.”

Gio: “Well, we are at a crypt.”

He even inherited the Cerullo sense of humor!

But nothing beats Nurse Willow — who cheated on her husband Michael with his Uncle Drew — having to treat Sasha, who is secretly pregnant with Michael’s baby. Willow thinks the baby belongs to Michael’s Uncle Jason and that Sasha is a hypocrite, dissing her for the “similarities” in their situations. (Little does Willow know!)

And how about Carly offering Sasha a job, also unaware she’s carrying Michael’s child?

Carly: “If you ever need anything, Jason will be there in a heartbeat.”

Sasha: “The father respects my wishes and has agreed to support me.”

Said Sasha to her baby’s grandmother… wink!

Hey. It’s only my opinion.