Watch This Before You Tell Boys They Can’t Do Makeup

Payal Desai saw a video on social media which stopped her in her tracks.

The reel was of a parent shaking her head with text overlaid that read: “When my sons watch me do my makeup and ask if they can do theirs next...”

The content creator and mum of two boys aged five and nine years old knew she had to film a response. She couldn’t disagree more.

“Whenever I have come across content that insinuates boys ‘can’t’ do or be a certain way, I am immediately curious as to why one holds such a stringent opinion,” she told HuffPost UK.

“After a decade and a half of teaching middle school, I worked with children who could be anything but generalised by gender.”

She added that anyone who spends long periods of time with boys “will see all the different sides of them, and realise how harmful assigning stereotypes and turning opinions into biology (like Niobe Way says) can be”.

“When we allow ourselves to align with what society deems ‘appropriate’ for boys, all we do is box them into expectations and confound their ability to be authentic,” she said. 

Why parents should let boys smash stereotypes 

For Desai, there are so many positives to allowing boys to be curious about things that have been traditionally considered “female interests”, like makeup. 

“One: you get an opportunity to dismantle traditional gender norms and roles associated with those,” said the content creator in a reel, adding that for women, these norms “have not worked”.

She added that “telling boys they can’t do girl things plants a seed that girl things are bad or stupid, worthless, less than – misogyny is perpetuated”.

The content creator, based in New Jersey, suggested that saying ‘yes’ and letting boys explore makeup can also help convey the message that “he can be open and authentic with you”.

“He’s loved for who he is and what he’s interested in – down the line it might not be makeup, it might be something else that he’s struggling to figure out about himself,” she added.

“I’m not talking about gender identity or even sexuality, I mean anything that makes him feel different, but he’ll know that your love and support for him isn’t conditional upon any of that.

“I don’t know about you but communicating that is my main goal as a parent.”

And lastly, she said saying ‘yes’ also helps to build confidence and a sense of self-worth. 

The teacher added: “Bullies prey on weakness. Never on confidence. Raising a confident kid is mindful work.” She then added that boys raised in this way “will be more willing to accept others”.

“He might outgrow this momentary interest in makeup, which is probably just him wanting to bond with you ... but if he does see a man or a trans person wearing makeup, he won’t be so quick to judge or become a bully himself.”

This idea that boys can do certain things and girls can’t (and vice versa) has many pitfalls.

According to a report on the Commission on Gender Stereotypes in Early Childhood,gender expectations can “significantly limit children”.

“The report finds that stereotypes contribute towards the mental health crisis among children and young people, are at the root of girls’ problems with body image and eating disorders, higher male suicide rates and violence against women and girls,” said the Fawcett Society. 

“Stereotyped assumptions also significantly limit career choices, contributing to the gender pay gap.”

The importance of speaking out

Desai told HuffPost UK she wanted to speak out on this because “it’s important that we embrace and validate any child’s interests and abilities”. 

“This is the root of building a person’s self-esteem and confidence; boosting their sense of self-worth by communicating to them that what they think, do, and feel is important,” she added. 

“Many may argue this, but to me, playing with makeup isn’t exactly harmful or toxic; anyways, plenty of parents allow their little girls to play with fake or real makeup, so I don’t see why boys can’t.”