Tim Dowling: my wife’s decided we need a muzzle – no, not for me

The dogs are barking, the woman’s screaming and the man’s swearing … it’s the kind of scene you see in a park and think: I’m glad that has nothing to do with me

When I walk into the house with the dog ahead of me, I already know what I’m going to say when my wife asks, “How was that?”

I’m going to say: “It was just awful.”