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‘I feel fine but my wife made me come in.’
Those 10 little words are apparently a red flag for doctors, often indicating something may be seriously wrong with a patient’s health.
Dr Sam Ghali shared on X: ‘I don’t care what anyone says, [this phrase] has a positive predictive value for something bring really f**king wrong that approaches 100%.’
Other healthcare professionals agreed, with one writing: ‘Person who appears to be completely healthy from the outside: “My wife made me come in.”
‘Get ready for literally every single thing to be wrong all at once.’
X user Cindy Schell added: ‘I worked as a triage nurse for several years for thoracic surgeons. More often than not it was the wife or girlfriend who called about a problem their partner was having.’
Dr Simon Hundeshagen pointed out why this could be such an effective indicator for health issues. ‘It’s because family members or spouses sometimes notice subtle signs or changes that the patient may not recognise or may be downplaying.’
Others shared their experiences of this happening to them. X user Stephen Fleming shared: ‘When I was 10, my dad “felt funny” at dinner. My mum wrestled him into an ambulance over his vociferous objections. He had a massive heart attack in the ER.
‘If he hadn’t been there, he’d have died at the dinner table, and I would’ve grown up without a father! Thanks mum.’
Why don’t men make a big deal about their health?
One in 10 British men can’t even remember the last time they saw a doctor, according to a Numan survey.
Nearly half of men had their last appointment with a doctor at least six months ago, with 40% not having seen a healthcare professional in more than a year.
It’s a problem that spans continents, with the majority (65%) of American men saying they avoid seeking medical attention for as long as possible, citing reasons like being too busy or hoping ailments will heal on their own, according to a Cleveland Clinic study.
For Tommy Kelly, who previously shared his story with Metro, he put his eating disorder down to grief and didn’t realise he could even have an eating disorder as a man.
While he did head to the doctors, he wasn’t able to advocate for himself and at 20 years old, he had a heart attack as a result of it remaining untreated.
Graeme Souness was also adamant he was just tired and out-of-sorts, when he became unable to drink one glass of wine or pint of beer without a headache coming on.
In reality, he had coronary heart disease and needed a triple bypass.
The double standard
Many women may be raising their eyebrows right now, given the medical misogyny and gaslighting experienced in many women’s doctors appointments.
It seems the female opinion seem carries weight when talking about men’s health issues but not their own, with 84% of women feeling unheard by healthcare professionals, according to the 2022 Women’s Health Strategy for England.
A recent report by Benenden Health and the Fawcett Society also found 35% of women believe their negative healthcare experiences are influenced by their gender.
In response to Dr Sam Ghali, X user Maggie said: ‘And yet, if that same woman comes in saying there’s something wrong with her, y’all will roll your eyes and tell her she should lose weight and stop being anxious. Ask me how I know.’
‘What’s the female equivalent,’ another asked. ‘Because everything I see is we don’t get taken seriously, when it is serious.’
Nicole, another X user, added: ‘Wouldn’t it be cool if doctors were as concerned about how women aren’t taken as seriously as men are.’
Ultimately both men and women struggle to access healthcare, just for different reasons, but there are small steps you can take to feel less ignored.
How to advocate for yourself at your GPs
Preparing for Your Appointment
Preparing for your appointment should involve gathering evidence and jotting down your symptoms, as advised by Dr Elise Dallas, a GP specialising in women’s health at the London General Practice.
Dr Dallas emphasises the importance of knowing your personal medical history, including contraceptive and gynaecological history, stress levels, current medications, and family medical history. She suggests, ‘Consider your ideas, concerns, and expectations before the appointment.’ GPs are trained to address these aspects using the ICE model (patients’ ideas, concerns, and expectations). Understanding what matters most to you can greatly assist your healthcare provider in providing effective care.
Staying Informed
Educate yourself about your health condition. Keeping up with the latest research and treatments can empower you to make informed decisions. Health journalist Sarah Graham advises: ‘If you suspect a particular condition, it’s valuable to ask: “Could it be this?’” This question prompts doctors to elaborate on their thought process, fostering a collaborative relationship and mutual understanding between you and your healthcare provider.’
Bringing a Supportive Person
If you’re anxious or might miss important information, bring someone you trust to support you. They can help take notes, ask additional questions, and advocate for you if needed. ‘I’m a very vocal advocate. I’m pretty feisty,’ disabled journalist Lucy Webster says. ‘But I still take my dad because he is a white, non-disabled man, despite being nearsighted, and they take him seriously. It’s not me failing to advocate for myself; that is how I advocate for my health.’
Listen to Yourself
Trust your instincts during the appointment. ‘Always remember that you are the expert in your body,’ Lucy adds. ‘Doctors might have medical degrees, training, and expertise. But they don’t live in your body, you live in your body. You will know if it feels different.’
Finding Support Groups
Joining a support group or contacting a specialised charity can connect you with others who have similar health conditions. They can offer recommendations for healthcare providers and share effective strategies. Alesha De-Freitas, director of policy, research and advocacy at the Fawcett Society tells Metro: ‘The participants of our study found support groups and charities really valuable. They felt less isolated.’
Taking Notes
During the appointment, take notes to remember important details and instructions. You can also ask your doctor to document significant conversations for accountability. Lucy suggests: ‘If healthcare professionals are dismissing or ignoring what you’re saying, a really effective thing I learned from someone else is to make them write it in their appointment notes. So if you say, ‘I’m in pain,’ and they say, ‘No, you’re not, it’s in your head,’ you can ask them to document that conversation.’
Seeking a second opinion
If something doesn’t feel right, seek a second opinion. Hazard emphasises: ‘It’s our job to meet you where you are. That means there’s no right or wrong way for you to communicate your wants and needs.’ She adds: ‘Don’t be afraid to ask questions, share your fears, and if you don’t feel you’re being listened to or respected, you have the right to ask to be seen by someone else.’
Sarah adds: ‘If you still feel like you’re not getting anywhere, you can make a complaint. You can write to your practice manager, or if it’s a specialist, you can write to the hospital’s PALS service – the Patient Advice and Liaison Service.’
Navigating the complexities of healthcare within the NHS, particularly amidst its financial constraints, is anything but easy. While increased funding is essential, it is equally imperative to prioritise training and research to ensure equitable healthcare provision for women.
As we wait for these changes to happen, women can find solidarity by equipping themselves with knowledge, advocating assertively for their needs, and seeking support from trusted allies. As we persist in our pursuit of a healthcare system that is just and inclusive, it is paramount to recognise the importance of our voices and the validity of our experiences. As Lucy noted, ‘we are the ones who know our bodies best’.
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