Sleeping with a married man was fun at first — now I can’t get rid of him

The last time she tried to end the relationship, he cried and said he ‘couldn’t live without her’ (Picture: Getty/Metro)

When your heart is broken, you can make some questionable decisions.

This week’s reader started sleeping with a married school friend, in an misguided attempt to heal the pain of a divorce.

And while she describes their sexual connection as ‘fantastic’, she’s not looking for anything serious. The problem is, he’s caught feelings and now wants to leave his wife.

Keep reading to find out more, but before you go, check out last week’s dilemma, from a man whose tendencies to stray while working away, have left him in a seriously precarious situation.

The problem…

I’ve always vowed that I wouldn’t be someone who got involved with an old school friend via social media. I’ve seen it wreck more than one marriage and have never wanted to be part of it.

But completely out of the blue my marriage broke up when my husband left me for another man.

That was a very difficult and dramatic time, and he moved to another part of the country, leaving me to pick up the pieces.

So I found myself casually (at least, that’s what I thought) agreeing to meet an old classmate I reconnected with through a Facebook group.

The first time we met, he basically cried on my shoulder about the state of his marriage, his job, his mortgage arrears etc. I cried on his about my husband going off with another guy.

After a few dates we ended up in bed having fantastic sex which I’ll be honest, I missed. He said his wife wouldn’t be hurt by our affair as she’d never find out, and being unattached, I was happy just to have a sexual fling with no emotional involvement.

Unfortunately, over time I’ve realised that this guy is more into me than I am to him, as he has begun to talk about leaving his partner.

This is the last thing I want, but when I said we were getting in too deep and should end the relationship, he started crying and said he couldn’t live without me.

What started as a bit of mutual sympathy and support, has turned into something of a prison for me. He wants to tell his wife it’s all over, but only if I’ll agree to a future with him, which I don’t want.

How can I end things without creating a huge mess and upset?

The advice

To be honest, you probably can’t. All you can do is end the relationship with as much compassion as possible, while being firm about where you stand. Don’t relent because he cries – although his tears may reflect genuine sadness, they can also be a form of manipulation to stop you (successfully so far, it seems) from leaving him.

I’m not going to condone sleeping with a married man, but at the same time, what you did with this guy was between consenting adults and he bears accountability for his own situation.

You’re not responsible for the state of his marriage, his debts or his job. He has to take responsibility for his own happiness, and the longer you let him cling on to you, the more guilty you’ll end up feeling.

Surely he has other friends to turn to in his hour of need?

A kind gesture would be to give him the numbers of some local support groups or counsellors who can help with his current situation, but after that you must leave him to get on with it.

Meanwhile, if you need help dealing with your own broken heart, email me again.

Laura is a counsellor and columnist.

Got a sex and dating dilemma? To get expert advice, send your problem to Laura.Collins@metro.co.uk.

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Get in touch by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@Metro.co.uk

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