Sex with my handyman friend is great but I worry he’s sleeping with other lonely women

DEAR DEIDRE: MY handyman friend helps me out with odd jobs around the house – and gives me great sex, too.

I know I’m just one of a list of bored women he is having fun with.

But the truth is, I have feelings for him.

I’m a 48 year-old divorced woman with two grown-up children.

It started when a note was pushed through my door about clearing my gutters.

My roof was, indeed, in a mess, so I phoned the guy. He turned up the next day.

He looked to be in his early 40s and he was really lovely. Afterwards, I offered him a cup of tea in my kitchen because it was so cold working outside.

We got along like a house on fire.

He talked about his wife, how she was from India and she was beautiful, but he said they didn’t “have much of a sex life”.

I don’t know what I was thinking, but I blurted out, “tell me about it”, as I hadn’t had sex for years.

He told me he also did decorating and asked if I would be interested in that, so when I mentioned my bedroom, we went upstairs.

He made a pass at me and before I could catch my breath we were in bed together. I thoroughly enjoyed myself.

I thought it would be a one-off, but he now makes regular visits to do work for me and we have the sex thrown in as a bonus. It’s great.

Now, though, I don’t know how to deal with the situation. I want this man, but get the impression he is sleeping with other lonely women.

The thought of him with somebody else makes me feel sad and depressed.

DEIDRE SAYS: You latched on to the thrill of no-strings sex, but really you know nothing about this guy.

The “my wife doesn’t understand me” line may be something he says to everyone – but it doesn’t mean it’s true.

He’s not looking for a relationship, just a booty call.

But if you’re ready to date again, why not do it?

Find somebody who puts you at the top of his list of priorities. That’s what you deserve.

Casual sex isn’t your style and it’s making you feel low.

My support pack, Finding The Right Partner For You, explains how best to avoid these dead-end relationships.

ISOLATED AFTER MY DIVORCE

DEAR DEIDRE: AFTER being widowed young and then divorced, I feel so lonely.

I am a 60-year-old man. I was married to my beautiful wife for eight years but she died aged 38, having been diagnosed with breast cancer.

Our two children were only three and six. I was left to raise them. I worked so hard for them for 18 years, making sure they didn’t go without.

A few years ago I went to the Philippines to visit a mate who lived there.

I met a woman working at a bar, fell in love and for the next two years travelled back and forth to see her. She visited me here in the UK too.

We married but she wanted children and as I’d had a vasectomy that couldn’t happen. We ended up divorcing and I found myself alone. I don’t know what to do. Can you help?

DEIDRE SAYS: Making new friends might help you feel less alone. Check out meetup.com, which shows local events and clubs.

Look into volunteer work opportunities near you.

You could also visit your nearest Men’s Shed (menssheds.org.uk).

These are free, fun spaces all over the UK where men get together to complete useful projects for their community.

JUNK-FOOD FAN’S TOO FAT FOR SEX

DEAR DEIDRE: ALTHOUGH I love a curvy woman, my wife has taken things to extremes.

She really enjoys fried chicken queen – and sadly, it’s showing in her ever-expanding body.

I’m a man of 41 and she is 38. When we met 15 years ago, she looked incredible.

I loved everything about her, including her womanly curves. She was fun and beautiful.

She had hang-ups about her body but I loved her for who she was. I even loved her tummy – it was something to cuddle.

When lockdown happened, we hardly went out and were trying to home school two kids in our little flat.

My wife developed a love for fried chicken and the weight started to pile on. Since then, she orders take­away at least three nights a week. The kids are ten and eight and even they know she’s unhealthy.

We have booked to go to Spain in the summer but I’m worried she won’t fit in the airline seat.

Sex is now so difficult for us. We can’t get in the right position to make it comfortable so we just aren’t bothering.

I want her around for a long time. How can I tell her that she’s fat without hurting her feelings?

DEIDRE SAYS: She already knows. You can’t insist that she loses weight but you don’t have to eat the takeaways. The kids could be encouraged to stop eating them too.

It’s easy to be tempted with so many fast food places on our streets but recipes for “fakeaways” are all over the internet, and are healthier and cheaper too.

Joe Wicks has some suggestions that are easy to make (thebodycoach.com/resources). You could prepare them with the kids.

Tell your wife what you told me – that you’re worried about her.

Explain how changes would improve your relationship and that you want to set a good example for the children by eating healthily.

You can check out food choices when shopping via the free NHS app (nhs.uk/healthier-families/food-facts/nhs-food-scanner-app).