Newsom Announces He Is Anti-Crime Until Next Election

SACRAMENTO, CA — Gavin Newsom's poll numbers have skyrocketed after he recently announced that he will be anti-crime until the next election. "We all know how much I love crime, but I've decided to temporarily reverse that stance and start prosecuting crime," said Newsom in a statement. "It turns out people don't like crime." "Please rest assured, I will go right back to ignoring crime as soon as I'm elected," insisted Newsom. "I'm not a MAGA fascist, after all." Sources say police departments in the state are already responding to the Governor's new initiative by arresting violent criminals who need...