My secret work fling was fun until he proposed to his girlfriend in front of me

DEAR DEIDRE: MY secret work fling was fun for a short time, but it quickly became obvious that I needed to get away from him and our unhealthy dynamic. 

Then he stole the limelight at my leaving drinks by inviting his girlfriend and making a big public marriage proposal to her.

The sad thing is, I know it was all for my benefit, trying to provoke a reaction. 

Now I’m wondering if I should let his now fiancée know what she is letting herself in for.

I am 28 and he’s 31. We both worked for an online holiday company. We always got along well but it was only when my ex dumped me suddenly that things changed. 

My colleague comforted me, and our friendship took on a decidedly flirty tinge. Then one night when we were both drunk, he came back to mine and we had sex.

We swapped naked pictures and sometimes he’d tease me saying ‘wouldn’t it be awful if someone pinned those up at work’.

I tried to laugh it off, but his veiled threats terrified me. 

We continued having sex whenever we went out at work. Still he’d regularly invite his girlfriend along to work events – it was weird and made me feel so uncomfortable.

When I found a new boyfriend and stopped sleeping with him, he started demanding more naked pictures, which thankfully I refused. 

I was glad to be moving on but I am convinced he wants to get back at me.

Now he’s probably getting married and I feel I should tell his fiancée that he’s not the faithful guy she thinks he is.

DEIDRE SAYS: Would you be telling her out of a sense of moral duty, or because you want to get back at him?

Whatever the answer, you need to be realistic that his fiancée will not thank you. Ask yourself, what are you hoping to achieve? 

You said you knew you needed to get away from this unhealthy dynamic and the best way to achieve that is to keep walking. 

If you want to draw a line under this affair, wish him well and move on with your life.

You would be wise to ask him to delete any personal images of you and remind him that if  were to show or share them without your permission, he’d be committing a criminal offence.

His fiancée would no doubt be unimpressed to stumble across these images also.