Kevin The Janitor Now Most Senior Military Official Left In Iran

TEHRAN — Following the latest round of U.S. and Israeli airstrikes in the country, Kevin, the janitor at the Office of the Supreme Leader, was officially recognized as now being the most senior military official left in Iran. Over the last few weeks, U.S.-led strikes have almost completely annihilated the Ayatollah's regime and the Iranian military chain of command, leaving Kevin as the highest-ranking member of government personnel left in the entire country. "Me? Really? Wow, nobody told me I got promoted!" Kevin reportedly said upon hearing the news. "I just scored the janitor job a couple of months ago,...