We’re used to strange bedfellows on soaps, but there are some real doozies floating around now.
Like Bold and Beautiful’s unlikely Deacon and Taylor. Their claim to fame is having children with A-listers Brooke and Ridge and making poor romantic choices. Pairing Deacon with Sheila never made sense (hello, she’s a psychotic murderer), so I get why they had Deacon seek therapy from the equally floundering Taylor. But this arc only makes sense if they play the history that 1) Sheila was Taylor’s mother-in-law (when Sheila was married to Eric and Taylor to Ridge), and 2) Sheila shot Taylor years ago. So far, nothing.
But Sheila has been eavesdropping on her husband’s sessions, which looks promising. She busted in after one of them.
Sheila (to Taylor): “Keeping Luna from Deacon was the biggest mistake I ever made in my life.”
As opposed to shooting her son, Finn, and his wife, Steffy, and leaving them for dead in an alley? Hmm. Sheila has repeatedly opined she won’t allow anything to come between her and Deacon, which Li picked up on.
Li: “You said if Deacon and Taylor were to get involved, you’d kill her. That was just blowing off steam, right?”
Is she new here? Deacon’s “therapy” sessions quickly turned to doctor and patient comparing notes about their exes.
Deacon: “You’re the shrink. I’m the patient. But we’re in the same place when it comes to Brooke and Ridge. You’ve gotten a raw deal, and I’ve been treated pretty lousy, too. We just pick ourselves up and move on. That’s what survivors do.”
Once he got them on the same page, it was an easy leap to Deacon claiming they share a connection through their mutual dumpings.
Taylor: “You’re being so kind, so sensitive.”
Deacon: “I care about you. You put up with a lot from Ridge.”
Taylor: “And Brooke, too. She’s been relentless, undermining my happiness with Ridge, doing whatever it took to get him back. She giggled and jiggled her way into any bed she wanted, especially Ridge’s. She was so obvious! I could see it. Why couldn’t Ridge?”
Taylor started to cry, and Deacon hugged her. The duo later got individual pep talks from their daughters about how it’s time to move on and find someone new. Steffy’s mother and Hope’s father? Bring it! Sheila won’t like that at all.
Beyond the Gates’s Dani thought her sister’s hot younger nephew, Andre, would make a good fling, but she wound up drunk-marrying him in Vegas. Her mother did not like that at all.
Anita: “Help me make sense of this marriage. Do you love Andre?”
Dani: “I love Andre enough. As a friend, a partner, someone to laugh with and share a home with.”
Anita: “But not in the way you loved Bill.”
Dani called it a “situationship” and Anita agreed to support her — like she supported her other daughter, Nicole, after Ted’s cheating scandal was exposed. Anita advised going on a date to get her groove back; Nicole chose Ted’s business partner. That complicated things, provoking a scene in the hospital hallway when Ted confronted Nicole and Carlton discussing a date.
Nicole: “You seem to forget you are now my ex-husband, which means you don’t have a say in who I go to dinner with.”
Ted: “The ink isn’t even dry on the divorce decree, and you’re already on the dating scene with my partner. What’s next? You gonna ask Laura to set up a Tinder profile for you?”
That went over about as well as Ted accusing Carlton of coveting what was “his.”
Nicole: “So I was your property, Ted? Who the hell are you?”
Carlton (to Ted): “I get that you’re upset. I am not going to apologize for testing the waters with Nicole. She deserves to be with a man who treats her accordingly. The truth hurts.”
Ted: “Not as much as my fist going upside your head.”
Nicole called them both cavemen and stormed off, leaving gossipy nurse Shanice (think: General Hospital’s Amy Vining) to admonish Dr. Carlton Fitzgerald.
Shanice (scolding): “I told you not to put your business out in the hallway.”
He later apologized and told Nicole she’s worth waiting for. Advantage: Carlton.
For strange bedfellows, look no further than Young and Restless’s Phyllis and Cane. Setting aside the far-fetched writing for Cane — that he became a billionaire under an assumed name, hasn’t seen his kids in years, lives in train cars, etc. — watching Phyllis steal his AI program has been amusing.
Phyllis: “I am trying to help you with Victor, but you always find a reason to distrust me. You need me. I want to be your partner. I’m not in bed with anyone else, I promise.”
Cane: “You’re good. I’ll give it to you. You’ve got me off balance. I don’t want to end up flat on my back.”
Phyllis: “I could think of worse positions you’d be in with me.”
If Cane can’t see through Phyllis’s clumsy come-ons and obvious manipulations, he deserves to lose everything.
Meanwhile, Phyllis’s son is getting kissed by Tessa, who is married to Mariah, who’s been literally sobbing for six months and is now in the loony bin.
Tessa: “In another timeline, I could fall in love with you.”
Daniel: “Let’s forget about the kiss. Please leave it in another timeline.”
Please don’t! They’re an unlikely duo, but Y&R has gotten so depressing that they need all the happiness they can get in any timeline.
Xander’s happiness is over now that Maggie figured out he lied about not being the one who beat up Philip on Days of Our Lives. That reveal started a chain reaction that wound up ending his marriage to Sarah.
Sarah: “I hoped I was wrong. How did you know Xander attacked Philip?”
Maggie: “When I started questioning him about the attack, he got this look in his eye. The same one his father [Victor] had when he was up to no good. I knew in my soul he was lying.”
Sarah: “Part of me knew it, too. He doesn’t deserve my love, my belief in him, or my daughter.”
So how did sweet Sarah fall for the bad seed who shot Marlena, kidnapped Bonnie and Susan, and almost killed Brady? Strange…
But not as strange as GH’s wealthy Michael Corinthos and scrappy sex worker Jacinda just happening to meet each other at a bar on the night Drew was shot.
Michael: “It’s a terrible alibi, but I have a solution. I’m going to pay you to fall in love with me.”
Jacinda: “My time is for rent. My emotions are not.”
He apologized. Jacinda said no one would believe someone like him would go for someone like her, and Michael turned it around that she’s smart, beautiful, magnetic, and the real question is why would she want to be with him? Jacinda softened, pulling out her phone for a selfie to make them believable as a couple. But there was one more thing.
Michael: “I’m going to need you to get a different job.”
Jacinda: “Does it have health insurance?”
Ha! On to Crimson, where Michael forced Nina to hire Jacinda as her assistant. Nina immediately pulled out her checkbook to get Jacinda to double-cross Michael, but his alibi stayed true to her “boyfriend.”
Michael (praising her): “I don’t think you’re for sale.”
Jacinda: “My website says otherwise.”
Those two are fast becoming my favorite couple on GH, and not just because Carly’s head will explode.
And, look! Victoria Lord and Tad Martin are in cahoots! No, wait, it’s Ronnie and Martin. But it’s still delicious.
Martin: “Unless one of us does something stupid, they’re never going to figure out we’re working together.”
Turned out Ronnie is Monica’s long-lost sister, but Monica did not leave the Quartermaine mansion to her in her will. Martin changed the will (no thanks to Alexis, who should have smelled a rat) after Tracy treated Ronnie like dirt at the crypt, and she agreed to the scam. But as time went on, the unholy alliance started weighing on Ronnie, and she tried to back out. Martin blackmailed her into selling the house to Drew, listing all the rotten things Tracy had done to him and admitting he was the one who drugged Ronnie at the tea party.
Ronnie: “You set this whole thing up!”
Martin: “I will do anything to get my revenge on Tracy.”
Ronnie (rolling her eyes): “I got that.”
Enter Drew to order the Q’s to move out while Ronnie was clearly having second thoughts about teaming up with Martin.
This one’s going to be a doozy!
Hey. It’s only my opinion.
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