I told my best mate’s girlfriend I have feelings for her — her reaction shocked me

He can’t stop fantasising over her (Picture: Getty/Metro)

Nobody needs a friendship rule book to understand that going after your best friend’s girlfriend is a bad idea… right?

Sadly, this week’s reader didn’t get that particular memo.

He’s developed serious feelings for his mate’s partner, despite being in a relationship himself.

The sexual tension might be ‘off the scale’, and now he’s debating whether to flush 20 years of friendship down the toilet.

Keep reading to find out more, but before you go, check out last week’s dilemma, from a woman who was treated so badly be her ex, she was driven to some questionable actions.

The problem…

My best mate and I have been friends since we met at junior school, and through girl trouble, job disasters and money woes, we’ve been there for one another over the years.

Twenty years later he has become like a brother to me, and I can’t imagine life without him in it.

So, I hate myself for saying it, but I’m crazy about his girlfriend and no matter how much I try, I just can’t get rid of this feeling. He’s had plenty of partners but thinks this girl is special, and believe me, she is.

I have a partner of my own who is very sweet, but I can’t imagine spending the rest of my life with her. The four of us go out together regularly and even went on holiday to Spain this summer, so I’ve had plenty of opportunity to get to know my mate’s girlfriend.

Most of the time when we’re out as a foursome, it’s as though she and I are the couple, and the other two are just making up numbers. We talk and laugh about the same things and it’s beyond me that the others don’t notice how close we are.

We all recently went to a wedding where I drunkenly confessed my feelings to her, and I was shocked when said she felt the same about me. We’ve now started exchanging phone calls and messages, and when we’re in the same room, the sexual tension is off the scale.

I feel as though it’s only a matter of time before something physical happens between us, but I really don’t want to do the dirty on my best mate.

The advice

I find it hard to believe that neither your partner nor your friend have picked up on the chemistry between you guys. Maybe they’re in denial or just don’t see it for what it is, but that day is sure to come and the longer this deceit goes on, the more hurt you’ll cause.

Your present girlfriend is clearly not your forever love, so end the relationship and set her free to find someone else.

Meanwhile, talk to your mate’s girlfriend and if she genuinely feels the way you do, tell her she must grasp the nettle and break up with him too.

Once you’re both unattached, you have to be honest with your friend about your feelings for this woman and your intentions for the future. It will be hard for him, but not nearly as painful as finding out some other way, as he’s sure to do eventually.

The harsh truth is that if you and her really want to be together, you may have to accept that your relationship with her will, at least in the short term, replace the friendship you have with your mate.

People split up all the time and it’s never nice, but eventually everyone moves on. Your friend will, too – but probably not as your friend.

Losing someone so close may be more difficult than you think, so be certain it’s a price worth paying. That’s all you can do.

Laura is a counsellor and columnist.

Got a sex and dating dilemma? To get expert advice, send your problem to Laura.Collins@metro.co.uk.

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Get in touch by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@Metro.co.uk

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