‘I mourned for my son twice – it’s been a rollercoaster of hope and loss’

Karen Bone’s son Matt Bone went missing in 2018 (Picture: Supplied)

For Karen Bone and her husband Mike, March 4 2018, felt like a fairly normal day in their happy home in Widley, Hampshire, so the couple headed for a countryside walk.

However, when they returned, it was apparent that their son Matt wasn’t okay.

‘He was asking us some strange questions, saying we needed to “tell him everything”, which didn’t make any sense, because nothing had happened,’ Karen tells Metro. ‘We couldn’t answer him as we didn’t know what he wanted. He had thoughts that made sense to him, but not to us.

‘It wasn’t a good conversation — it wasn’t a conversation at all, really. After that, he decided to go out.’

Karen knew her 26-year-old son was having ‘some kind of crisis’ but thought he would take time out of the house to clear his head, then return, especially as he only took a small bag and wasn’t wearing a coat.

She became more concerned when Matt didn’t appear at a family dinner organised for his nan’s birthday later that day. He had visited Karen’s parents earlier, but also said some ‘strange things’ to them. Worried for her son’s safety, Karen called the police to report him missing.

Matt left the family home with just a small bag (Picture: GoFundMe)

For nearly 48 hours, the family were left in limbo until they were told Matt had turned up at a hospital.

‘We went to see him and explained to the doctors that he had some mental health struggles going on. They said he might have been suffering from hypothermia after sleeping rough, but he was discharged with a clean bill of health, both physically and mentally,’ Karen recalls. ‘The hospital let him go, and he didn’t want to come home with us.’

This would be the last time she saw her son alive. 

According to the official police investigation, the final sighting of Matt was near a hotel in the village of Callow End, over 140 miles away from the family home. Matt checked in on Friday, March 9, but didn’t stay. 

‘The hotel didn’t report him missing until Sunday. I now know there’s a golden window to find somebody and realistically, that opportunity had passed by the time the information reached us,’ explains Karen.

As the police tried to piece together what had happened to Matt, they showed Karen footage of him once he’d left the hotel, knocking on doors for help before moving along.

It made Karen realise that perhaps she had to accept he may never come home.

‘That was a low point for me,’ she admits.

His body was found in 2020 (Picture: Supplied)

‘Reality kicked in, and so after that, I kept myself on an even keel. I started the process of mourning, but carried on as neutrally as possible. Other people wanted to believe he was still alive. It was difficult managing everybody and my feelings at the same time.’

While going through the period that she now recognises as ‘ambiguous loss’, Karen had brief moments of optimism. 

‘When there was a possible sighting, or the opportunity to do a press interview, I couldn’t help getting that hope back up again. There’s this constant rollercoaster of hope and loss. You just learn to live with that,’ she explains.

This was Karen’s life for two years – until June 2020, when she received a call while out on a walk. Standing underneath a tree, sheltering from heavy rain, a policeman was on the other end of the line:Matt’s skeletal remains had been found in a Worcestershire field.

The mum and son shared a close bond (Picture: GoFundMe)

‘The second he started talking, I knew what he was phoning about,’ Karen recalls.

She was told that although his body had been found. The exact cause of death is still unknown, as it was too difficult to forensically examine his remains after so long.

‘I suspect Matt submitted to hypothermia alone in a farmer’s field, but there’s no way of knowing,’ says Karen.

The mum-of-two says she went into ‘practical mode’ after receiving the information from the authorities. Her immediate reaction was to get home from the walk to tell Matt’s sister Katie, before informing loved ones and making funeral arrangements.

It was only a few days later that Karen finally took a moment for herself in the garden. ‘I reflected on everything that had happened. There were lots of tears,’ she remembers. 

There was further emotion when the family went to collect Matt’s body. They wanted to make the moment about him, so they played all his favourite music, such as Green Day and Blink-182, and reminisced about his life.

Since then, Karen has survived the tough days with help from her family and friends, and through the support of the Missing People charity, which was there for them all from the early days of Matt going missing. 

‘There was always somebody on the phone if we needed them, and they also connected us with other families in a similar position, which was helpful,’ she explains.

Walking was one of their favourite things to do together (Picture: GoFundMe)

‘Attending our first meeting was quite scary because we were only six months in, and we heard from people who’d been in our position for many years. It was a brutal realisation that this could go on for a while.’

Karen continues: ‘It’s a pretty unique thing to happen. People who lose sons or daughters through illness may not understand what it’s like to lose them this way. The not knowing can be very distressing.’

Karen can’t help but wonder if she’d have been put in touch with Missing People sooner, whether her family’s story could have unfolded in another way. ‘If I spoke to them earlier in the process, I might have done something different, and the outcome could have been different.’ But it’s not a thought Karen allows herself to have for too long.

Instead, she puts her energy into raising funds and awareness so more families can benefit from their help. Today, she is embarking on a 25km hike on the Isle of Wight as part of Metro’s Lifeline campaign in support of Missing People.

She adds there is a very sentimental reason for taking on the challenge, as some of her fondest memories with Matt are their shared country walks, sometimes with Mike and his sister Katie, too.

Matt as a young boy with his sister Katie (Picture: Supplied)

‘It’s an easy way to chat, less pressure than sitting down over dinner, so we would connect and find out what was happening in his life,’ says Karen. Studying Environmental Studies at university, Matt was also a keen photographer, so would often take his camera and snap away, she fondly recalls.

‘Every year we organise a walk with Matt’s family and friends around his birthday, May 6, so the timing of this fundraiser was perfect,’ she adds.

Meanwhile, Karen also likes to reflect on how they spent some of Matt’s birthdays before he went missing. His 18th birthday is a particular favourite, she explains. For the occasion, Matt gathered all his loved ones for a party in a local rugby club.

‘I have great memories of him and a crowd of his friends all dancing together to Lady Gaga,’ she remembers with a warm smile.

It’s these memories that Karen clings to, along with those of her sweet boy who rescued stray frogs on their family holiday in Greece.

‘Matt has always been a very kind, inclusive sort of person. He would go out of his way to ensure people were included in conversations, and often stop to chat with homeless people,’ she says.

‘We don’t forget Matt’ (Picture: Supplied)

As he got older, Matt became more concerned about the world around him and, in particular, worried about climate change. He encouraged Karen to change aspects of home life, such as opting for more eco-friendly products.

‘He could be quite annoying at times,’ she says with a laugh. ‘He would talk to us every spring about digging up the Spanish bluebells because they were non-native, and they kill off the English bluebells, which he was very keen to preserve…. I keep meaning to dig those up still,’ the retired project manager says after a pause.

‘He made us more aware of what was going on in the world. When I’m looking for guidance, I sometimes think, “What would Matt do?” I turned to him early in the Covid crisis. The world changed so much from what he would have known, so I wanted to connect with him. He really felt things, so sometimes I think it’s good that he isn’t seeing the suffering today.’

Karen adds that it’s hard to think about what Matt might have been doing now, especially seeing other people’s children growing up and grandchildren arriving.

‘You have to accommodate the grief and continue somehow,’ she explains. ‘But no matter what, we don’t forget Matt. We raise a toast to him on every family occasion, and he’ll be the person I think of if I struggle at all with the Lifeline challenge and need to push through. 

‘I hope he’s proud of me,’ she says. ‘He’ll always be on my mind.’

*Statistics provided by Missing People

You can sponsor Karen, who is taking on the 2025 Lifeline campaign in the Isle of Wight, here

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