I’m pregnant with my situationship’s baby — his reaction floored me

He’s refusing to speak to her after finding out the news (Picture: Getty/Metro.co.uk)

In the ‘talking stage’ of dating, not knowing where you stand or whether things might progress can be frustrating.

Unfortunately, this week’s reader found out the hard way that her situationship doesn’t see a future together, after an unplanned pregnancy uncovered his true colours.

When she told him the news, he immediately bolted, going as far as blocking her on all social media and refusing all attempts at contact.

Read the advice below, but before you go, don’t forget to read last week’s Sex Column, from a married woman who had a one-night stand with a stranger she met in a nightclub.

The problem…

I’ve been really unlucky in love and although I’ve had three long-term relationships, things have never worked out. My last boyfriend was gorgeous but he had a terrible cocaine habit which led to us splitting up after four years. I really thought me ending things would give him the kick he needed to go into rehab, but it turned out he loved coke more and is now with another girl who is ‘more fun’ than me.

I’m now 32 and was on my own for over a year after I broke up with my ex. I really wasn’t in a good place but finally met someone lovely online, who I thought might work out. Unfortunately, he has now turned his back on me as – here’s the kicker – I’m pregnant with his child and he is furious.

I know you’re going to lecture me like all my friends and family have, but surely he’s as much responsible as me. I had my coil removed when I split up with the ex, and this new guy knew that taking precautions was down to him.

One night after a party we had spontaneous drunken sex without using a condom, and I guess that’s when I conceived. Of course I could have a termination, but I’m at the age where I’m not sure that would be the right decision.

Now this guy has blocked me on every type of social media and when I visited his flat to try and talk to him, he just shut the door in my face. I’m still only in the early stages of pregnancy and know I need to decide quickly what to do.

The advice…

You’re wrong, I’m not going to lecture you at all – it’s too late for that. I’m just sorry you’re in this situation, but at least now you know this guy isn’t the type you could ever make a life with.

I will say this though; more than once I’ve heard the same problem from the other side, and I do understand how distressing it can be when a guy is presented with an unplanned pregnancy.

But what’s done is done, and the fact is, you’re both responsible adults who know that sex without protection can make a baby. Okay, this is not what he wants, but that doesn’t excuse his behaviour.

Now you need to decide how you’re going to move forward without him. At 32 you should be mature enough to take on the responsibilities of parenthood, but it can be tough on your own. Will you have enough love and support from those close to you?

As for the father – he’ll still be legally liable to provide for his child, whether he wants to be involved or not. If he refuses to make payments voluntarily, you’ll need to contact the Child Maintenance Service to make a formal arrangement. They have several methods they can use to enforce payments from a non-paying parent.

I always advise women in this situation to talk over their options with the British Pregnancy Advisory Service. It’s not an easy decision, but keep a cool head and stay positive whichever choice you make. Good luck.

Laura is a counsellor and columnist.

Got a sex and dating dilemma? To get expert advice, send your problem to [email protected].

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