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I Kissed A Boy is the BBC Three gay dating show that – as the title suggests – throws a pack of hungry single queer men into a Spanish villa to kiss a boy and hopefully find a connection.
Among the cast this year is Lars, a 23-year-old hotel receptionist who lives in Wolverhampton who says he’s a ‘hopeless romantic and sick of single life’. He’s also the first transgender contestant they’ve had across two series of I Kissed A Boy and one series of I Kissed A Girl.
Lars has been matched with Jack D, the painfully adorable hospital pharmacist who is fed up of dating apps and just wants a man he can share a ‘nice pastry and a pint with’.
The premise of the show sees the boys kiss before they’ve managed to get a word in to see if sparks fly from initial attraction alone.
Of all the snogs, Lars and Jack D clearly had one of the most exciting connections in there. They dashed off from their cheeky kiss to join the others and they were visibly excited that matchmakers had thus far worked their magic and appeared to get this coupling spot on.
But Lars was yet to tell Jack D about his identity, a moment of trepidation that many trans men and women can relate to. Revealing their past to a total stranger, particularly in this climate when transphobia is thriving more than I’ve ever seen it before, must be absolutely terrifying.
When Jack asked what his normal type is, Lars explained: ‘Mine’s quite interesting because I’d say I identify more as queer. I’m basically a trans man… I was born female but realised when I was about 15 something’s really not right. I always knew I liked guys but I didn’t feel like a straight girl, I felt like a gay guy.’
Lars then acknowledged not all gay guys would be interested in a trans man, ‘and I understand that’, he said. Jack replied: ‘Stuff like that doesn’t matter to me at all… you’re a man, I like men.’
In a later confessional, Jack added: ‘When he told me, I honestly had a bit of a lump in my throat because I was just a bit honoured that he actually shared this part of his life with me. I’ve always said that I’m open to dating a trans man and it absolutely doesn’t change anything at all with Lars.’
It is a consensual, quite beautiful, coupling, which is hopefully going to teach so many of its viewers how special a gay-trans relationship can be. That is, should they stay together (which, as it stands, looks promising).
Sure enough, the usual anti-trans suspects who would otherwise show absolutely no interest in a BBC Three gay dating show, have caught wind of Lars. Cue their completely irrational and totally misguided spiel that has made the loudest noise around I Kissed A Boy, with many claiming they’ve filed complaints against the BBC.
Essentially, they have complained about a consensual relationship between two people. I don’t want to give specific tweets or online discussions about Lars and Jack the oxygen they’re craving, but you can probably imagine the gist: ‘How dare the BBC force a woman onto a gay man?’
It’s had people absolutely seething, even being compared to sexual assault.
It is the epitome of how absurd transphobia has become in the United Kingdom. As far as I can see, it’s often straight people telling gay men who they can and can’t be attracted to. Straight people, once again, defining the parameters of being LGBTQ+.
I haven’t actually spent much time thinking about if I’d date a trans man. I have – to my knowledge – met so few of them it’s just not even really been a possibility.
But Lars seems smart, kind, and he’s got a fun streak running through him – when I was single, he’d have ticked all of my boxes. Not to expose my shallowness, but he’s also one of the best looking men on the show.
If he was 10 years older (or ideally I was 10 years younger) I’d be pretty chuffed to match with Lars. I suppose I’ll settle for my 37-year-old boyfriend who has to sleep with a cuddly hippo instead.
Sadly, it didn’t come as a surprise that the anti-trans mob relished in its attack on Lars with completely unfounded claims Jack had been tricked into kissing a woman, even when he made it crystal clear he was attracted to trans men.
What did catch me off guard though was seeing how many gay men were making completely ridiculous claims that they were being pressured into dating trans men and that the BBC was shaming gay men who wouldn’t date Lars.
At no point does anyone in I Kissed A Boy suggest all gay men should be attracted to trans men. At this point in the series, Jack D is the man for Lars and vice-versa – there’s no agenda to make the entire cast queue in a line for Lars, and even if they were, it would be their own choice.
If any gay men do feel shamed just by watching a gay-trans relationship, that’s not coming from the BBC – that’s all on you.
I can’t believe that I even have to argue that Jack D is no less gay because he’s attracted to Lars. I’m as gay as it gets and I know if I was younger and good looking enough to be Lars’ league, I’d be attracted to him too.
It hardly bears repeating how heartbreaking the bullying of trans people has become.
Every week, there’s something new for the most obsessed anti-trans people to waste their life getting upset over. And more often than not, it often boils down to trans people being just a little bit present – even if it’s just appearing on a gay dating show.
This hysteria has been out of control for some time. Unfortunately, by and large, trans women have arguably felt more under threat and unfairly presented as the threat to civilisation – and bathrooms.
But look at what happens when a gentle trans man just innocently appears on television looking for love.
It’s completely grotesque what this country has become, but thank god we have men like Lars and Jack D on television to show how wonderful a gay-trans relationship can be.
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