I asked an elderly man how he was – the response floored me

I’ve struck up conversations with at least 70 people over the years (Picture: Michael Redina / Sam Lane Photography)

Walking through my local park recently, I noticed an elderly man sitting alone on a bench, just staring ahead. He looked sad and something about his demeanour didn’t seem right.

Pausing for a moment, I went over. ‘Morning,’ I said. ‘Mind if I sit?’ He didn’t answer, but I sat down anyway.

I asked again, and this time he began to talk. Slowly at first, but once he started, the words flowed.

He told me his wife had passed away exactly a year ago and he was struggling. They used to visit that park together – now he came every day to feel close to her.

He said no one wanted to talk to him about her anymore and he felt incredibly lonely. So we spoke about her on that bench for the best part of an hour.

I don’t know if he was thinking about suicide, but I could feel his deep sadness and loneliness. 

I became a Samaritans volunteer in 2020 (Picture: Getty Images)

So before we parted, I gave him the number for Samaritans, where I volunteer. I told him someone is always there to listen if he finds himself in crisis, and that he doesn’t have to go through this alone.

When I left, he looked a little lighter. His final words stayed with me: ‘Thank you for listening. Nobody else does.’

That was just one of many moments I’ve shared with strangers I was concerned about. You never know if a simple gesture like this can save their life.

The first time I stopped to speak with a stranger was about 15 years ago. She was sitting alone by the side of a busy road and something about her caught my attention, so I paused and asked how she was.

At first, she seemed surprised, but soon began to share her story about the unacceptable things her partner was pressuring her to do for money. I could feel her pain. 

You’d be surprised how quickly people open up whenever I ask how they are (Picture: Claire)

I couldn’t change that situation, but I listened. And in that moment, that seemed to matter. 

She told me how grateful she was that I’d made her feel seen. I felt humbled and privileged that she trusted me with her story.

From there, I started speaking to strangers in public, on the high street, in coffee shops, at the park. In fact, I’d say I’ve struck up conversations with at least 70 people over the years, and I can honestly say I’ve never regretted a single encounter.

Once, I asked a woman how she was, and she immediately snapped, ‘What’s it got to do with you?’ I calmly replied, ‘Nothing really, I was just wondering how you were.’

Within minutes, she had apologised and opened up about her husband’s health. It reminded me how often people carry heavy things we can’t see at first glance.

This hit close to home for me around seven years ago, when I sadly lost a friend to suicide. While I always asked them how they were and knew they struggled sometimes, it came as a complete shock and has never left me.

One in four people experience suicidal thoughts (Picture: Michael Redina / Sam Lane Photography)

Then a number of years later, I was in a relationship with someone who frequently attempted to take their own life.

It was during that time that I made my first call to Samaritans. I was struggling too, overwhelmed by the situation I was in, and not wanting to go through it anymore.

The volunteer on the line listened without judgement. That conversation helped me begin to make different decisions about my own life.

Something had to give. So I became a Samaritans volunteer in 2020, helping them answer calls for help. It’s nice to learn how to listen, but refrain from offering advice.

You’d be surprised how quickly people open up – it’s like they’ve been waiting for someone to ask.

Suicide doesn’t have to be inevitable (Picture: Claire)

Recently, I was walking by the river and saw a man in his thirties standing by the side. He looked quite distressed and was pacing.

I asked how he was and eventually he told me he couldn’t have contact with his daughter anymore and he felt quite desperate. He told me he didn’t want to be here, clearly planning to end his life. 

So I persevered, asking who else he could turn to for support.

Before I left him, he made a plan to visit his mother and have dinner with her. I truly believe that our conversation helped save his life.

One in four people experience suicidal thoughts, but simple actions you take can be enough to interrupt them. So talk to people. Say hello. Ask how they are. Even if they don’t want to talk, it’s always better to try.

You never know what someone might be going through. If one small gesture could mean the difference between life and death, why wouldn’t you try? If you want more tips, Samaritans has a toolkit on their website, but you don’t need to be an expert.

Now, I feel honoured when someone opens up to me. It’s a privilege to be trusted, to hear what’s really going on beneath the surface – things that many people are sharing for the first time.

By being that listening ear, that conversation can help someone who is feeling suicidal start to see other options than taking their own life and set them on a path to recovery.

This World Suicide Prevention Day (September 10), remember suicide is not inevitable. A moment of genuine human connection can be enough to save a life.

Let’s prevent suicide today. Because tomorrow’s too late.

Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing [email protected]. 

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