Ghost Of Saint Patrick Returns To Drive Rosie O’Donnell Out Of Ireland

DUBLIN — Longtime local residents were shocked and amazed this morning, as the ghost of the long-dead Saint Patrick spontaneously appeared and began driving Rosie O'Donnell out of Ireland. Witnesses said the ethereal apparition materialized in the town square shortly after sunrise and began shouting for the former actress-comedienne-talk show host to pack up her things and vacate the country. "Out! Out, ye vile, rotund serpent!" Saint Patrick's ghost reportedly screamed. "We've no tolerance fer evil, wicked creatures such as yerself! Off ye go! Back! Back to the fires of California from whence ye came! God will protect Ireland from...