Free Chocolate Condoms in NYC [semi-satire]

In New York City, gonorrhea rates have doubled over the last 10 years and syphilis cases are rising statewide. Mayor Zohran Mamdani boasted that "my predecessors were negligent in dealing with this crisis, but I have secured a cheap supply of chocolate condoms that we are distributing free-of-charge to those who need them." Apprised that the condoms are manufactured by a Malaysian company that has been accused of slavery, the Mayor pointed out "none of these slaves are my constituents. I am not responsible for their welfare. I am responsible for the welfare of New Yorkers and will not apologize...