“Don’t Give Her Cake”: Jordan Chiles Reveals the Dark Truth of Being Coach X’s ‘Prized Gymnast,’ Leading to Suicidal Thoughts

Everyone dreams of being the coach’s favorite. After all, there is much to gain from that. But for Jordan Chiles, this ended up becoming more like a nightmare. And the person who was supposed to elevate her? Well, if anything, it made her feel like she should quit the sport altogether then and there. But how bad could it be for Chiles to take such a grim decision? Well, in her recent book, the mat sensation goes to lay bare all the manipulation and pressure that was forced onto her. One that is far darker than people thought. But how did it all start?

In her memoir, I’m That Girl: Living the Power of My Dreams, released on March 4, Chiles takes us behind the scenes of her journey, sharing both the triumphs and the struggles that shaped her. The 23-year-old, who won gold with Team USA at the Paris Olympics last summer, holds nothing back as she opens up about the painful side of her journey that made her question everything.

Due to the coach’s complaints, Chiles didn’t reveal the coach’s name but mentioned them as “Coach X.” Coach X saw Jordan Chiles as a standout athlete from the start, recognizing her natural talent and potential to be an elite gymnast. Chiles was winning meets left and right, and Coach X believed she had invested significant time and effort into shaping her into something special.

The coach kept his focus on Chiles beyond her performance to build her future potential. Coach X began to focus his attention on her, which represented the exact thing all young athletes desired. At first, it felt good! The coach praised her for her potential along with bestowing all the admiration upon her. But it didn’t take long for that attention to shift from support to control.

“She wanted to know where I was at every moment of my life. What was I doing? Who was I with?” Jordan Chiles recalled. “She felt that she’d invested a lot of time in me and my potential and didn’t want to see it squandered.”  Her “invested time” morphed surprisingly into something the opposite of supportive. The coach increased his oversight by monitoring her activities through every aspect of her life that extended beyond athletic training.

If Chiles missed a practice, Coach X would call other parents, asking if she was at their house and what she was doing. When Chiles went to a birthday party, Coach X called the house to make sure she wasn’t eating cake. “Don’t give her cake! She’s too big already, and she needs to be able to compete.” The situation embarrassed Chiles and created a feeling that a watchful eye followed her all day.

The extent of micromanagement reached Chiles even during her school days. Coach X prevented Chiles from visiting the mall through his regular verbal admonitions.  “All that walking will give you shin splints!”  Coach X treated Chiles like an instrument of her control because she failed to recognize the existence of aspects in Chiles’ life outside of sports. Other gymnasts developed a perception that Jordan Chiles received special treatment from the coach because the attention intensified.

 “Other gymnasts and their parents started to complain that I was Coach X’s pet, not realizing I wanted nothing more than for her to stop fixating on me.”   Chiles desired her coach to stop her constant attention completely. The negative attitude created a split between Chiles and her teammates. Coach X displayed Chiles as an example at the gym, where she frequently compared the other members unfavorably.

“Did you see how Jordan did that? You see what she can do? You need to be more like her. Work harder! Do better! You’re lazy!” Resentment built up against Chiles because of this constant spotlight, while Coach X took equal pleasure in criticizing her after she spoke positively. The regular compliments often failed to bring comfort. The intention behind her praise wasn’t to raise Chiles higher but to maintain constant observation of her.

“She would show me the calendar and say, in front of everyone, ‘See, this is why you embarrassed me. It’s because all these days, here and here and here, you didn’t train. You see? You aren’t acting like an elite international gymnast. You’re lazy.’” The relentless monitoring felt like an eternal pressure load, which never satisfied the coaches despite her constant effort. Chiles experienced severe consequences from his repeated treatment as Coach X’s possession.

Jordan Chiles finds hope through Simone Biles

The continuous anxious fear of failing turned into deep despair for Chiles. The overload of responsibility to live up to expectations, combined with emotional mistreatment from her coach, became too much stress to bear. Jordan Chiles feared competition because one mistake would cause her enormous pain. Nothing seemed to be enough for Coach X because she spent more than 36 hours per week in training.

Yet the coach continued to belittle her abilities. The emotional turmoil caused by the constant fear of failure made her inconsistent in front of the judges, despite her capabilities. Chiles struggled to find balance and peace, all while trying to manage the intense expectations placed on her by Coach X. Things took a dark turn for Chiles when Coach X began attacking her in ways that went far beyond just her gymnastics performance.

The coach would criticize everything about Chiles—from her race to her body and eating habits. “Coach X” even called Chiles “fat” regularly, which only fueled her insecurities. The emotional and verbal abuse left deep scars, leading to suicidal thoughts and an unhealthy relationship with food. Chiles never got a formal eating disorder diagnosis, but she believes the constant abuse warped her perception of food.

This ended up pushing her to the edge of quitting gymnastics altogether. A lifeline arrived at the moment things looked impossible when Simone Biles contacted Jordan Chiles. Simone Biles offered her support to Jordan Chiles by inviting her to train at the World Champions Center, which the Biles family established in Spring Texas in 2018.

It offered both a new beginning as well as the supportive system necessary for Chiles to rediscover her passion for gymnastics and recover from the destructive gym culture.

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