Daughter of Incarcerated Parents Devises Sweet Adoption Proposal Only To Be Brutally Rejected By Aunt

A bizarre financial deal appears to be at the heart of the rejection -- with the 14-year-old girl left devastated after 5 years in the custody of her aunt following her parents drug bust.

A woman has taken to the internet for advice after worrying her reaction to an adoption proposal from her 14-year-old niece ended up being more hurtful than she intended.

The story, posted to an anonymous forum, featured a family struggling to cope after both parents were incarcerated for drugs and an aunt who swooped in to help a child in dire need.

While the adoption rejection appeared rather brutal at first glance -- and involved a complex financial agreement -- Redditors pretty much unanimously agreed that the woman was in fact doing the best she could with a difficult situation and had already sacrificed more than most.

Read on to see how the whole story played out.

Original Post on Reddit to the AITA (Am I The A--hole) Forum

"My niece (14) has lived with me since her parents went to prison 5 years ago [for] drugs," the post began, giving some backstory. "My sister is getting out later this year. She has been working very hard in prison to improve herself and got her GED. We are still very close and we talk via an app the prison provides and I take her daughter to visit her, along with her brother, who lives with his dad's brother, once a month."

Then came the moment that prompted OP (original poster) to take to Reddit in the first place.

"We were having a birthday dinner at my mother's for myself and my daughter, 16," the woman explained. "Most of my family was there. For my present my niece decided to give me adoption request papers or whatever they are (I never ended up reading them)."

It was the visceral reaction that she failed to hide that led to the situation spinning out of control.

"I dropped out of my nursing program and am a shift manager at a fast food place, my husband works in a factory. She's not a burden but that's the reality. I would lose all financial help if I agreed."

"I was stunned and just... Shook my head," OP recalled. "I was so shocked and confused. The plan was she was always supposed to go home."

She then claimed that the entire family, excluding her niece and daughter, appeared to have the same reaction: "My mother was upset by this request as well as my other siblings, and my husband couldn't think of what to do either."

The aunt went on to explain, hinting at a financial deal that she would only later clarify in the comments: "She never brought this up in counseling or anything. I can't do that to my sister, I would not be able to to take care of her without support financially from my grandma, who would stop supporting if I agreed. This was never even a thought."

OP said the fallout extended beyond just her niece, "Now she and my daughter hate me, it seems. My son, 21, said it was probably some thing she got from TikTok and she will eventually get over it. My husband agrees with me, my siblings are staying out of it. My nephew isn't speaking to his sister now. It's a mess. AITA here? Trying to get an outside opinion. Reddit seems as good a place as any."

She later added to the post additional information after many a commenter asked similar questions: "My sister has a home with [her] rent paid and a job with my Aunt waiting the minute she gets out, since this keeps coming up."

Grandma's Role In It All and Other Revelations

As noted before, Redditors pretty much unanimously branded OP NTA (not the a--hole) -- but that doesn't mean they didn't have plenty of questions.

"Is it her grandmother (your mother) or your grandmother offering financial support? Either way, why would you lose that if you agreed to adopt? Because they think she should be back with her mother?" one curious reader asked in the comments. "I get the sense you wouldn't agree to adopt even if the financial aspect wasn't a part of it, though. Based on replies it sounds like you will still be nearby and very much a part of her life."

The woman responded to that comment with the following explanation: "My grandma is buying my house for me because I agreed to help my sister and care for my niece till my sister gets home. She is very clear that I need to keep my promise to her and my sister to keep this deal. She has no use for liars, she says, or promise breakers. I can't change my grandma."

That response prompted another reader to ask: "So you’re saying that you told them you would hold onto your niece so she doesn’t go into the system till her mom got out and in exchange, your grandmother will buy your house for you? Will it be in your name? Would you have taken her in otherwise?"

"Yes I would have tried to figure it out at least, financially," OP said. "Eventually, the house will be mine free and clear."

"She has no use for liars, she says, or promise breakers. I can't change my grandma."

Elsewhere, she explained her own financial situation before she ended up gaining guardianship of her niece: "The plan was for me to go back to school so I had a better income. My husband also had a job with better pay when the kids were younger but the factory closed. We had a two bed small place that was ok but got a bigger place because we got guardianship. I was halfway through my nursing program when this happened. My kids were fine, we needed help with another child, childcare costs at the time doubled, etc."

"That's terrible that you had to drop out of your nursing program," one Redditor said in response. "I hope you're able to return to that once your sister gets out. You've already made a lot of sacrifices and dealt with family pressure to step in where they wouldn't. I hope you're able to get your life back on the track you planned before your sister caused everything to go tits up."

To which, OP had some good news to share: "I got accepted to return fall semester. Thank you."

She also explained in the comments the exact arrangement she had to take care of her niece.

"CPS not involved at this time. We have guardianship not a kinship placement. Both parents still have rights," she wrote. "We filed and had a court date, her parents, the judge agreed to it. We passed background check, etc. My husband and I work, so too much for TANF [Temporary Assistance for Needy Families] and food stamps. She has insurance."

When another Redditor seemed convinced that OP had never explained the situation to her niece with full transparency, she replied: "She always knew the plan was to live with me until her mother got out."

After being pressed again on the issue, she wrote: "She [her niece] always knew the plan. I never told her anything otherwise and counseling has been focused on this since her release date. I can't afford to support her without help. I dropped out of my nursing program and am a shift manager at a fast food place, my husband works in a factory. She's not a burden but that's the reality. I would lose all financial help if I agreed."

She also made sure to reiterate numerous times, since people kept asking, that her sister had a good situation for her niece to move into when she got out.

"My sister has a home and a job lined up as soon as she gets out. My aunt has the job and my grandmother has been paying [a lot of] rent on a place for her," OP said. "There is no way her father would go for this. My sister would not either. This was never mentioned nor in the cards."

What do you think?