Canada Orders Toronto Blue Jays Players Euthanized

TORONTO — Following the team's devastating loss to the Los Angeles Dodgers in Game 7 of the 2025 World Series, the Canadian government announced that it had ordered the players from the Toronto Blue Jays to be euthanized. As is standard procedure in Canada, people who have outlived their usefulness and no longer provide the expected value to society are promptly scheduled to be exterminated. After failing to bring home a championship, the Blue Jays' roster was deemed to have reached the end of the line. "It's what's best for all parties," said Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney. "They had...